It’s not you, it’s sick
“It’s important to differentiate the disease from the individual as early as possible,” says Dr. Virginia Wadley Bradley, professor emeritus of medicine, geriatrics, geriatrics, and palliative care at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. “Knowing what’s going on in a person’s brain and how that affects everything they do and say can help you provide empathy and support.”
Alzheimer’s disease can be divided into three basic stages: early, middle, and late. In the early or mild stages, memory begins to decline. Your loved one may forget to take their medications, not take them as prescribed, have trouble remembering names, or misplace things. Your ability to handle money matters becomes blurred, making you more susceptible to financial fraud by overpaying or forgetting bills.
As the disease slowly moves into the middle and later stages, these symptoms worsen until the person you know and love begins to respond to the world around them differently than before. It may be difficult for them to control their emotions. You may become overly angry, sad, or irritable. Eventually, they are unable to provide even the most basic care for themselves.
Understandably, these behavioral changes can be deeply upsetting to people with Alzheimer’s disease and those who love and care for them. “There’s a grieving process where you realize you can’t have the same relationship you once had,” Bradley says. “The person you love is still there, but they’ve lost a lot of their abilities.”
new way of interacting
Reconciling with your loved one’s diagnosis is the first step to building a new relationship. It’s important to accept that your relationship with your loved one has been and will continue to change as their personality changes. This includes an approach to caring for your loved one called relationship-centered care, which accepts the person for who they are and meets them where they are.
Doctors use relationship-centered care to tailor care to the abilities and preferences of the person as well as the family, Bradley said. “Physicians engage families early in every decision, drawing on observations of the relationship between patients and their family caregivers while focusing on ways to preserve dignity and compassion for Alzheimer’s patients,” she said. says. “This is different from a physician-centered, ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach.
Daily relationship-centered care relies on caregivers’ knowledge of their loved one’s past relationships. “Every day is different and may bring different challenges,” Bradley says. “There is a pattern to decline, but each Alzheimer’s patient is different. It’s up to you to decide how that person will respond.”
Use these five ideas for relationship-centered care to keep your relationships strong when a loved one develops Alzheimer’s disease.
- Recognize the familiar spark
Just because your loved one can’t participate in life the way they used to, doesn’t mean they can’t find purpose and joy in activities they once loved. “Instead of focusing on aspects of a person’s personality that aren’t there, recognize the spark in that person that you knew was there,” says Bradley.
For example, if your husband likes reggae music, he might appreciate it if you play Bob Marley. Or, if Aunt Claire was a good baker, asking her to sift the flour or knead the dough might give her a sense of purpose and happiness.
If possible, keep familiar photos and other favorite things in your loved one’s home or room. These items can bring comfort and can be used to distract or refocus your loved one if they become confused or upset. - Let’s roll together
Symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease can be a moving target. What works for your loved one today may not work tomorrow. People with Alzheimer’s disease are encouraged to continue with their familiar daily routines. But if your loved one is having a bad day, you should be ready to change plans and expectations. Adapting to your loved one’s reactions and moods will help you maintain each other’s mental health. - redefine expectations
It can be frustrating to learn that your loved one can no longer perform simple tasks or forget basic information. But it’s best to put those expectations aside and try to maintain a positive attitude. Don’t correct them or say, “Don’t you remember?” Instead of highlighting the mistake, try redirecting, deflecting, or changing the subject.
Above all, try to maintain a positive attitude. “If you stay calm and positive, your loved ones are more likely to be calm and positive, too,” says Bradley. “People in the middle stages of Alzheimer’s disease are often agitated and may mirror your emotions, so be aware that your irritation may cause their agitation.” please.” - maintain intimacy
If you have Alzheimer’s disease or are caring for a loved one who has Alzheimer’s disease, you may be more likely to feel lonely. Encourage your family and friends to stay connected with their loved ones in whatever way is comfortable for them.
For example, to celebrate a loved one’s birthday, have a family member record a short video message and edit it into a loop so your loved one can watch it over and over again. Or have family members create a scrapbook of photos with names, dates, and locations. - please take care of yourself
Caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease is more like a marathon than a short race. As a caregiver, you need to make time to take care of yourself to maintain your own mental and physical health. Enrolling your loved one in adult day care, having other family members come in from time to time, or hiring a caregiver can give you time to go out and have lunch with friends or just relax. .
Bradley finds support groups often helpful because she can share her experiences with others facing similar challenges. “It’s not just about telling her how she feels,” she says. She says, “It’s important to get ideas for new ways to solve problems and engage with loved ones.”
Online communities offered through various organizations, such as the National Institute on Aging, can also provide support.
The progression of Alzheimer’s disease causes changes in relationships with loved ones. But understanding how Alzheimer’s symptoms affect behavior and using a relationship-centered approach can help you find new and creative ways to stay close to your loved ones and cherish every interaction. Maybe you can find a way.