Sandy and Frank both grew up in divorced families. Therefore, they both dedicated themselves to learning how to enjoy a loving married life.
The couple spent six weeks in premarital counseling with a pastor before getting married. They were equipped with Biblical principles for a happy marriage and were confident that they could be happy.
For the first year, Sandy and Frank were happy. But as life’s responsibilities piled on, their relationship became strained.
For the next few years, life was focused on getting a job done, paying bills, and taking care of children. Between piles of laundry and carpools, they realized that working toward a happy marriage was a low priority compared to the pressing pressures of life.
Although “angry” was not the word Sandy would use to describe her feelings toward Frank, she definitely developed a habit of responding to him in short, irritated tones. Frank knew he wasn’t living up to Sandy’s expectations. The more he tried, the more he felt it wasn’t enough.
So Frank returned to work, where he felt recognition and acceptance. Unintentionally, Frank was reacting to the stress in his marriage just as he had observed his own father’s reaction just before his parents divorced.
Frank’s concerns grew, but he refused to seek any guidance. Frank put on a happy face on Sundays because he didn’t want people to know they were struggling, but he didn’t want people to see through his façade. I was avoiding it.
Meanwhile, Sandy was acutely aware of their struggles at home. When she pressed Frank to talk about it, she only provoked Frank’s anger and caused a fight. So Sandy turned her attention to her children. Although she felt accomplished in raising her children, she knew there was a gaping hole in her marriage and she didn’t know what to do about it.
You may also be able to relate to this couple’s story. For years, my husband and I have been coaching couples through Biblical marriage counseling, and this scenario is familiar.
So what’s the problem? And what help can we offer to these couples who fill the pews of church every Sunday? What is the answer to the question: Why is my Christian marriage not working?
Let’s unpack this question.
What went wrong?
Do you remember who was supposed to be your future wife? You know, the one who was supposed to be such an encouragement and joy to your husband. The one who promised to “love, respect, and cherish” the person of your dreams.
How are you? Are you meeting your own expectations, let alone your husband’s? Was your husband the kind of husband you wanted? Both husband and wife live their married life with high expectations.in my book I’ll be happy if my husband changes & other superstitions wives believe I share this insight:
The dangers of unrealistic expectations
One of the biggest threats to a happy marriage is when one or both parties have unrealistic expectations of each other. When those expectations don’t come true, you may feel betrayed.
I remember feeling betrayed when my expectations for my husband were not met because he always promised to make me happy. How self-absorbed I was back then.
God used my disillusionment to show me my selfish heart. Have you ever had your expectations dashed when reality set in? How did that experience feel? Let’s talk a little about how disappointment turns into disillusionment.
You may feel betrayed when you discover that the man you married is not the man you thought he was. If you’ve been married for any length of time, you probably have a secret list of things you’d like to change about your girlfriend’s husband by now.
Have you ever considered that your husband may also have a secret list of disappointments with you? Instead of thinking about what you want him to change, the day you say “I do” What if you tried to be the woman your husband wanted you to be, the wife you wanted to be?
In over 30 years of ministry, Steve and I have heard countless couples reveal how disappointed they were in their marriage partner. Every time her wife is able to convince her husband to come to her marriage agency, she secretly says: Now her husband is going to figure out all the ways he needs to change to be a better husband so that I can be happy. ”
Can I let you in on a little secret? It’s unfair to expect your husband to make you happy.
No matter how “perfect” he is, he will never bring you true joy. Because the purpose of your existence is not to find happiness in a marital relationship, unlike all the fairy tales you heard in your childhood.
You were created to please your Creator. God created you to long for intimacy with Him and to delight in Him. Therefore, pursuing other relationships to fill the void that only God can fill will always fail. Similarly, you cannot be a true source of joy for your husband either.
What can you do?
I’ve had countless conversations with women at lectures all over the country. Time and time again, we hear stories of the resentment a woman feels toward her husband. Her husband may not be the godly, kind man God requires, but her answer is not to change her husband.
What is the answer?
You may be surprised to find out that the secret to a happy marriage has nothing to do with your spouse’s “ideal.” Rather, it is based on a love deeper than our love for each other.
Marriages thrive when both spouses love Christ more than anyone else in their lives, including their spouse.
in Mark 12:30Jesus declared that the priority in life is to love God with all of one’s being, everything.
Everything is as follows:
The key to total love for your husband and fulfillment in your marriage lies not in how well your husband meets your expectations, but in how much you love God. *
It is humanly impossible to love selflessly because we are all born with a sinful nature that seeks self-interest above all else. Only those who know Christ and pursue a deeper love for Him can love as Jesus intended. God gives supernatural love to those who love Him, giving us hope for true love.
God’s love is poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit given to us. Romans 5:5
Where can I find help?
Titus 2 She calls on older women to teach young people how to love their husbands and to find godly leaders. And read my new book. I would be happy if my husband changed. for help.
Listen to Rhonda’s short message. How to build a marriage that you won’t regret because you’re too busy
*Excerpt: I’ll be happy if my husband changes and other myths wives believe
Rhonda Stoppe She is a pastor’s wife, speaker, and author. Rhonda is a NO REGRETS WOMAN with over 20 years of experience helping women live lives with no regrets. Through humor and honest communication, she applies sound teachings from the Bible to help women build lives with no regrets. Rhonda has appeared on radio shows and speaks at women’s events, MOPs, and homeschool conventions across the country.rhonda stoppe books Mothers raising their sons to be men has coached thousands of mothers and guided their sons to a life of no regrets.her new book I’ll be happy if my husband changes: Other superstitions that wives believe has helped countless women create marriages they will never regret.
date of issue: July 25, 2016
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/People Images
Listen: Overcoming Fear in Marriage
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