I come from a large family, about 30 people rotating and rolling around the table. When a new person arrives, one of us provides an overview, in the same way that a “previous” summary gives the audience an understanding of the current storyline. “Nine of us were born during the seven years,” they would have heard. “Laura and Papa eloped because she was Filipino and he was Irish,” they might accept as another fun fact. “That’s Kelly. She has cerebral palsy, but she’s okay.”
The last line is just my imagination. Because I don’t know exactly how my loved ones describe me to outsiders. But these guests are observing my cousins, siblings, parents, or whoever is closest to me in the buffet line grab my plate and take my order before serving it to themselves. I see it. Over the years, if anyone survived that “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” introduction, let me be clear: I’m Jamaican, Irish, Filipino – that person. may one day do the honors themselves.
When my family puts food on my plate, pours me a drink, holds out my arm for balance, and sits me on the couch I covet to rest, my family recognizes my disability. These are just a few of the many ways they have responded. During the holidays, they pull my gifts out from under trees and remove scraps of wrapping paper from my path. To me, this is proof of a small but steady love, and I feel comfortable on a day when we all deserve warm memories, as they made a mostly silent yet completely shocking choice. . This isn’t true for everyone with a disability, but I know how lucky I am.
A list of helpful tips for making guests with disabilities feel welcome may be what someone new to allyship needs. So I asked five fellow advocates to share their thoughts.
“If you think you need help with something, always ask. A good rule of thumb is to politely and casually offer to help, rather than always assuming you need help. You need someone to carry the heavy door. Some days it’s good, some days it’s not. Maybe you want to keep the door open for you. Also, try not to make assumptions in the conversation. I wish this wasn’t the case, but work is often a topic of small talk.I’m currently working, but in the past when I wasn’t working due to a disability, other people talked about my work. It’s nice (to all the party guests) that the conversation doesn’t focus on very specific ideas about social success. That being said, , if you’re in the habit of asking people about their jobs, don’t bother asking. do not have Ask your disabled guests the same questions. It’s hard to be identified, so if you really want to know if everyone in the room is working, dating, etc., we, like everyone else, need to know if everyone in the room is working, dating, etc. should be part of the pressure. ” — Finn Leary
“Assess the parking situation for your holiday party. If it’s first-come, first-served, consider reserving a nearby parking space so guests with disabilities don’t have to travel far. Now, inside. I love pets and decorations, but they can cause people to fall, lose their balance, or be unable to enter certain rooms. Move the pet to another space until the guest with a disability calms down. Please consider leaving walkways and handrails clear.” chelsea bear
“When sending invitations, be sure to clearly ask your guests about their sensory, dietary, physical, and other accessibility requirements. If you’re unsure whether to invite someone because they have a disability, consider inviting them. they decide. ” — Emily Rado
“This may seem silly, but so much of the respect we give people is based on how they meet us at eye level.” If you know you’re coming, make sure there’s room at the table for a wheelchair to slide in and that everyone is seated at the same height.” — angel powell
“Most homes I visit are not built with wheelchair use in mind, which means that when I stay as a guest, I experience tensions big and small with the environment. From porch steps to inaccessible bathrooms to kitchens where everything is out of reach, looking at other people’s homes often makes us feel anxious and out of place. Send a simple text like, “How can I make it easier for you to get around?” — I feel very watched. I love it when friends text me pictures of the stairs leading into their homes and the layout of their bathrooms. And if everyone is helping out in the kitchen, I feel more supported when someone hands me a cutting board, a knife, and a pile of carrots. I want to help too! ” — Rebecca Taussig
Of course, people with disabilities do not expect their non-disabled peers to know exactly and immediately how to navigate their experiences. It’s like knowing every ins and out of a family the moment you shake their hand. It takes time to learn the ropes. But if you make the effort, you can make your guests with disabilities feel like they’re eating the best dessert ever.
kelly dawson I’m a writer, editor, and marketing consultant based in Los Angeles. She wrote for Cup of Jo about navigating New York City with a disability, her life as a disabled mother, and a house tour of Virginia with her cute dog.Follow Kelly InstagramIf you don’t mind.
PS How do you overcome encounters with disabilities and what does autism feel like?
(Photo provided by Dorien Monens On Unsplash. )