One of the most difficult times of the year for families co-parenting after divorce is the holiday season.
Let’s be honest, it can be difficult for divorced parents to let go of past grudges and bad memories
holiday. For recently divorced parents, the holidays can be emotional, stressful, and perhaps frustrating.
It’s a lonely time of year – especially when you don’t have new traditions or support systems in place.
Taking a vacation while raising a child can make you feel anxious and stressed.However, that
It is important to remain focused on the child’s best interests and provide a template for how they see things.
A relationship that can be carried forward into the future.
put your child first
The most important thing to keep in mind during the holidays is that children should come before it.
anything else. If you are co-parenting your child, you may worry that he or she will do the same.
Spend your vacation the same way you did before your divorce. Instead of focusing on these concerns, consider the following:
Teach him or her how to create new memories that bring him or her joy and peace of mind.
For example, if you’re co-parenting during the holidays, your child may have to cram multiple family gatherings into one day and even split the day with the other parent. This can be difficult for anyone, but consider that it may be especially difficult for your child. Instead, think outside the box and make alternative plans, such as opening presents on Christmas Eve or having a holiday dinner or party the day after Christmas.
Being flexible with your holidays can go a long way in reducing your child’s stress when you spend time with them.
Parenting. Ask yourself if your vacation schedule is child-centered or focused on your child’s needs.
What about you and your ex-spouse?
beware of conflicts of loyalty
First and foremost, you need to do everything in your power to avoid escalating conflicts of loyalty in your child.
During the holiday season. It’s wise to be flexible and understanding when negotiating your schedule.
Children may feel torn between their parents’ two different worlds.
Just being on vacation can rekindle old worries in your child (even years later).
divorce). You may be thinking, “How will my mom feel since I’ll be with my dad this year?”Or, “My
Will my father feel left out if I spend Christmas at my mother’s house? ”
For children of divorce, the holiday season can be a reminder that families are torn apart.
They can feel pulled in all directions, eventually creating a conflict of loyalties.
You will disappoint your parents. Children may worry that their needs will not be met;
Benefit from empathy and emotional coaching to help you navigate your way through tender emotions.
emotional coaching
Dr. John Gottman’s model of emotional coaching is a five-step method for building emotions.
It increases intelligence and has long-term effects on children and teens. These steps are important for:
Please keep this in mind so you can support your child during the holiday season (and all year round).
- Be aware of your child’s emotions
- Recognize your child’s emotional expression as a perfect moment of intimacy and education.
- Listen with empathy and understand your child’s feelings
- Help your child learn to label their emotions with words
- Set limits when helping your child solve problems or respond appropriately to upsetting situations.
Show compassion if your child is feeling stressed, anxious, or missing the other parent.Made to remember
Tell them that it is normal to feel more stress during this time and that you will help them get through this time.
Rocky patches as possible. A phone conversation with the other parent may ease your grief.
5 ways to deal with co-parenting during the holidays:
- Keep your child’s best interests in mind. Remember that children can usually benefit from spending time with their parents. Be flexible and do your best to allow your children to spend time with other parents or relatives. Research shows that children adjust better to divorce when their parents minimize conflict and are more cooperative.
- Focus on positive communication with your ex-spouse. Communicate by email or phone whenever possible, as texting can be emotional during the busy holiday season. Be honest with your ex-lover and their relatives, and never speak ill of your children.
- Remember that your child is not a possession and has their own delicate emotions that must be dealt with during the holiday season. Make them the messenger between you and your ex-spouse and do your best to keep them out of the way. Don’t ask too many questions about time spent with the other parent. However, if you had a good experience, express your joy.
- Check your child’s feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad or miss the other parent during the holidays. Don’t make them feel guilty about spending time apart from you.
- Start a new holiday tradition that will create positive memories for your child. For example, visiting a friend, attending a play or concert, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or enjoying a special meal. Retain traditions and activities that have worked well in the past. Laughter is one of the best ways to turn a negative mood into a positive one. Listen to music, work on puzzles, and participate in other fun activities.
Remember, your goal is to create a new and positive holiday experience for your child that will last.
them for years to come. Modeling respectful behavior toward your ex-spouse is key to building a relationship that:
successful holiday. Children pick up on verbal and nonverbal signs of anger, so do your best to suppress these emotions. By working with your child’s other parent, you can establish a pattern of life that provides positive memories that will stand the test of time.