I look at Janissa and Carla on the screen. Their mouths tense and they avoid eye contact. And when I ask them what is the cause of their pain, they say: At best, we argue, and at worst, we stop talking to each other. ” The other couples in the group nod in agreement. It’s the most wonderful time of the year, except for the potential negative effects on your relationship (cue the jingle bells and fairies singing).
It’s a quiet night when I ask the couples on my online program how they bring romance, unity, and even spice to the holiday season. And this holiday trouble is commonly reported, regardless of what you celebrate or how you celebrate.
This video covers common stresses and disappointments that can occur during this busy time of year, and how to deal with them. Plus, here are some romantic date ideas to help you create new bonding rituals and make this holiday season sexy.
I have always loved the story “How the Grinch Stole Christmas.” The Grinch is an angry, isolated, misanthrope who hates the fuss, decorations, families, and feasts that come with holidays. Most of all, he hates noise. So he vows to steal gifts, lights, and even a feast in order to have some peace and quiet.
Does this sound a little familiar?
While you may not be ready to end the holiday season completely, there are some common complaints couples report.
Common holiday stressors
- Problems with extended family The holiday commercial depicts a happy, loving, multi-generational family gathered around a perfectly placed table. In fact, we know that families come with history. A nice evening can often become tense or worse due to old unresolved issues. This can cause problems between you and your partner, especially when it comes to in-laws.
- problems related to money Several couples in my group admitted that they fight about money around this time of year. Genoa says, “I love finding special gifts for family and friends, inviting the neighbors over for a cocktail and appetizer party, or renting out the skating rink for my child’s elementary school class.” Since I married Pierre, I feel like he has completely ruined my traditions, ”shares her partner. But December? She spends three times what we can afford. And I’m the bad guy for suggesting we scale back this year. ”
- Problems with overreach and unrealistic expectations Another theme that emerges within the group is fatigue and anxiety. Terry says: “Every year, my wife is exhausted and I end up breaking into a moody shell of the woman I love. I’ve begged her to start saying no, but she just wants everyone to be happy. Sometimes it feels like everyone else is happy and we aren’t.” Others say their holidays don’t meet their expectations and they often feel sad and disappointed.
Couples often neglect their romantic relationships while on vacation. But I aim to reverse that unhealthy pattern. I encourage couples to use the holidays as a beautiful memory to show their love for their partner, cherish them and find ways to light them up. So, to avoid anything to do with the Grinch, here are some ideas to help you add some romance and spice to your holiday celebrations this year.
Make this holiday season sexy by creating new connection rituals
our story
Let’s go on a trip down memory lane. Share memories of your first holiday season together – Did you meet your loved one’s family for the first time? Wondering about the perfect gift or celebration? Then, share your best, worst, and busiest holiday season. And share your memories of the quietest times. You get the idea. Use your smartphone or an old-fashioned photo album to help you remember.
holiday movie night
Choose a holiday movie that you both will enjoy, like The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, Bruce Willis in Die Hard, or Love Actually. Or make it two movies and choose one option each. Pack some holiday snacks and drinks, turn off all distractions, and cuddle while you watch a movie. Bonus points? Let’s massage each other’s feet.
Attend a holiday live performance
Perhaps a choir, a play, a holiday-themed live band show, or a holiday concert at my granddaughter’s school? This year, my husband and I attended a holiday performance by the Vancouver Gay Men’s Choir and a puppet show of Christmas carols. I have a ticket for the performance. Bonus points? Hold hands, kiss during breaks, then go for dessert and talk about some of the highlights of the past year together.
sexy stocking challenge
Create romantic and sexy stockings and gift bags. Then, over the next few weeks, each of you will “sneak away” little notes, gifts, memories, special words or secrets you’ve shared, words of gratitude, old photos or keepsakes, anything that reminds you of the love you’ve shared over the years. ”Slip it in. Be sure to include a sexy element. Maybe it’s a spicy game (I love truth or dare cards), a high-quality lubricant, or a special toy from Santa’s adult workshop. Open these together on Christmas morning, Hanukkah, or any other time that is meaningful to you.
please say what you want to say
Write a love letter. It doesn’t have to be long, and it doesn’t have to be Shakespeare. However, nothing can overcome the power of the written word. Tell your loved ones what they mean to you, that you appreciate them, and why you would choose them again. You can put it in your sexy stockings or share it whenever you want…bonus points if you go on a date, share a letter over a romantic meal, or share it naked in bed.
give the gift of giving
The most beautiful part of the holiday season is practicing generosity towards others. We are generous not only to those we care about, but also to those who perhaps no one else cares about. Some ideas – your local church, synagogue, mosque, or nonprofit organization may have names of families in need. Make baskets for food and gifts. Volunteer together to raise money or serve holiday meals. Collect extra coats and give them to those in need. Choose a cause you’ve never supported before and make a donation.
prioritize your relationship
At the end of the day, how you feel on vacation is up to you. I encourage you to consider what works for you, what doesn’t, and redesign your next few weeks to align with your top priorities. And I know that your romantic relationship is your top priority. So don’t take your partner for granted.
During your first holiday together, remember how much effort you put into building a romantic relationship and wooing someone. And I vow to do it again this year. Perhaps, like the Grinch, you’ll see through all the fancy gimmicks and realize that the real joy lies in just holding hands. When we remember what really matters, our hearts can grow as big as three. And so is our love.